Women fear men. Consider this scenario: from opposite ends of a street two strangers step out for a solitary after dinner stroll. Down the deserted lane, the man sees a lone woman walking towards him. What are his thoughts? What emotions are triggered? Perhaps he thinks about work, or he may speculate about what the woman looks like, but no dark emotions stir. She is not perceived as a threat.

But is the experience the same for the woman? At the other end of the darkening street, the woman spots the man and immediately begins assessing options. Should I hold my keys like a weapon? Should I cross the street? Turn around and go the other way? What if he follows me? Can I run faster if I kick my shoes off? Will anyone hear me scream? Her apprehension builds as they approach, her eyes focused on the ground in front of her. She walks past the man, heart pounding, and risks a glance over her shoulder. Thank God, he’s not following me.

The man is simply enjoying the cool evening. He feels no anxiety, no fear, and is completely unaware of the impact he had on the woman he just passed.

Most men cannot understand how differently women perceive the world. To assume you may be attacked any time you cross a dark parking lot. To worry that a man might break into your home and sexually assault you. To avoid eye contact with strangers lest they misinterpret a glance and follow you. To avoid angering male coworkers and partners. All of the daily rituals women do to minimize the risk of violence.

The failure of men to understand the women’s perspective is problematic because our relationships with women are based on foundations of fear instead of trust and respect— not the best footing for a quality relationship.

Every interaction that we have with women serves to convince them that we are either to be trusted or feared. If our daily goal is to convince the women in our lives that we are not a threat, how should we behave? Do we realize that raised voices, ominous glares, and sullen silences are more than just expressions of anger, that they are threats, and proof that we are unworthy of trust? Do our actions increase or decrease fear?

By behaving in non-threatening ways that build trust, we will enjoy deeper, more meaningful relationships. And never forget that our sons and our daughters learn from us how men are supposed to act.

Mark Sandel is an Associate Professor of Social Work in the College of Arts and Sciences at TWU. He welcomes comments or suggestions for future columns at msandel@twu.edu