Ahh, July…The grass is growing, the birds are chirping, it’s summertime…no, wait, this isn’t Kentucky, this is Texas, where the grass is burning, the birds are croaking, and it’s SUMMERTIME. Spring, which lasted about 97 minutes in late May, gave way to full blown Hot in early June, and now here we are in the dog days.

This isn’t a reference to the Dog Days of Denton, although that event is a fine slice of pure Dentona. We’re talking about the dog days of summer, according to the Farmer’s Almanac July 3-August 11, the hottest days of the year (which are also, coincidentally, official Air Conditioner Appreciation Days). In 1813, John Brady referred to this as an evil time, “when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies.” Brady wasn’t Texan, but may have visited here once and been inspired.

Many countries celebrate Independence Days in July, including Belarus, the Bahamas, Maldives, Peru, and our own USA, which follows the burning fever theory mentioned above. It’s easy to imagine our Founding Fathers finally reaching their boiling point with ol’ King George during the heat of the summer, and Jefferson spending a long hot Philadelphia night penning out his irritation as a heated Declaration. One can only imagine how it might have turned out had he written it in Texas.

And of course there is France’s Bastille Day, the anniversary of the storming of that fortress-prison; Egypt’s Revolution Day, the celebration of a violent coup forcing out the last ruling king, and Orangemen’s Day in Ireland, commemorating the Battle of the Boyne. Apparently hot weather fosters hot tempers, validating once again Brady’s description, and it’s fortunate that the scientists who set off the first atomic bomb on July 16, 1945, were working in air-conditioning.

Which brings us to the lighter side of July, when the heat inspires such holidays as Stay Out of the Sun Day on the 3rd, Hot Enough for Ya Day on the 23rd, and the logical follow-up Nude Recreation Weekend, the 6th -12th. And of course, what we need every month of the year to be, and not just when our tolerance is so heat-shortened: Cell Phone Courtesy Month.

Let’s not forget our old friends the Catholics, who must have a hand in every month: St. Swithin’s Day on July 15th carries the tradition that whatever the weather is like on that day, so shall it be for the next 40 days. This is, of course, very true in Texas where summer lingers on well into October, when we pray for Fall to last longer than 11 days.

Here in Denton, July is the month of one-upmanship, as in “I remember the summer of 98, when it was so hot you could pick fried green tomatoes right off the vine,” followed by “Well, I remember the summer of ’80, when it was so hot and dry you could pick ticks offa catfish.” This year, let’s keep the competition friendly and avoid those hot-tempered phrensies.