by Amy A. Watson, MS, LCCA, LPC, Director of Clinical Services at CPCH,
and Jennifer Livings, MS, LPC-I, Intake and Case Management Counselor at CPCH

Are your kids constantly arguing and trying to be in control? Have you been searching for ways to get along with your kids? One of the keys is to provide consequences with empathy, which makes the consequences the “bad guy” and the parent the “good guy.” Who would not want to be “the good guy” with their kids?

Using genuine empathy with kids helps soak up emotions and puts the problem back on the child. The use of genuine empathy helps to maintain a positive child-parent relationship while allowing a child to learn from his or her mistakes. Good Love and Logic^® parents pick one statement they like and use it over and over again. For example, the parent might say, “I cannot imagine how bad that feels.”

Neutralizing childhood arguing begins by giving the child a big dose of empathy by saying, “I love you too much to argue.” As a parent, you continue to say this one statement and refuse to be pulled into a power struggle with a child who is drunk on control. A parent might also back that up by saying, “I will be happy to talk to you when your voice is as calm as mine.” This is an enforceable statement that encourages thinking rather than fighting.

The consequences that follow are usually natural and logical in nature and may involve a child paying back our time and energy they sucked away by arguing. For example, the child may need to spend time doing one of your chores.

Cumberland Presbyterian Children’s Home (CPCH) believes so strongly in the Love and Logic^® philosophy of behavior management that they train their staff with these techniques and they find they help them maintain positive relationships with the children and families they serve.

Becoming a Love and Logic Parent^® is a research-based parenting program that focuses on preserving a child’s self concept while teaching them to own and solve their own problems.

CPCH teaches Becoming a Love and Logic Parent® monthly to community members as well. Their next classes will be held on Jan. 9, 2010, concentrating on early childhood, and on Feb. 13, 2010, concentrating on children six and older. If you want to learn more about CPCH’s parenting classes or to register, 940-382-5112 x 252.