by Jim Mann, Ph.D., Pastor
New Life Church of Denton, www.newlifedenton.org
Summer is in full swing and, if your home is anything like ours, you’re busier than ever. The end of the school year didn’t quite slow the pace of life like you hoped. Now, with the kids at home, there are more places to go and things to do.
But summertime can be a great time to re-acquaint yourself with you kids – between trips to the library and pool, summer camps and sleepovers. Truth is, our children grow up so quickly that we’ll one day look back and wish we’d made more of those lazy summer days with our kids. As my last child leaves elementary school and my oldest enters high school, these are things my wife and I have been pondering of late.
Fortunately, we’ve developed a strong family identity in our home. I think that a family identity is a vital part of developing a child’s self identity. Knowing the family’s character and shared beliefs, values, and even traditions gives kids a great platform from which they can discover their place in this world. Studies show that kids who identify with their family’s values tend to get in less trouble, tend to be less promiscuous, and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.
But how to build a strong family identity? Moses tells us when he says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, NIV).”
Your presence matters. Moses assumes that parents will “impress” values on children because they are spending time together. Kids see your presence as a sign of care and connectedness. Studies show that kids in families who eat dinner together perform better in school and exhibit less negative behavior. But when life gets too busy, we’ll often dredge up the age-old excuse that, though we don’t have quantity time together, we make it quality time. Maybe your kids are smarter than mine, but my children don’t seem to recognize the difference.
Talk about faith. Some of us are challenged by the idea of talking about spiritual things. But God cares about your family and discussing Him can help build a family identity. It will also help your children develop the strong convictions they will need as they grow. Pray together. Go to church together. Read the Bible together. Even exposing your children to God’s truth in small amounts will set them down the right path for the future.
Kids need reminders. Moses’ description of Scriptures tied to wrists and written on doorposts is simply describing reminders…reminders why we do this, reminders why we don’t do that. Hopefully, we don’t just give rules but also some of the reasons behind the actions we desire so they can one day make their own wise choices.
Jesus said: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock (Matthew 7:24-25, NIV).”
This summer, take the time to help build that strong foundation your kids will need for the storms in life.
