by Mardi Allen, Life Coach
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why me?” Or how about, “Why can’t I do this, why did this happen to me, why did they do that to me?” The questions we ask ourselves strongly impact how we live our lives and how we deal with challenges. They will empower you or they can leave you powerless.
When you ask a question, such as “Why am I so unhappy?” your brain will search for examples to find out. It may not even be true or relevant, but your brain will come up with answers. If you ask, “Why did I do that? It was so stupid,” you will stay focused on your shortcomings instead of your strengths. What if instead you asked, “What I can do to change my behavior next time?” That approach puts you in control, moves you into acceptance, and then into action and change.
We all have challenges in our lives and the questions we ask can help us get through them quickly with grace, or can keep us stuck in a rut being the victim. Parents often discipline children by having them go to their rooms and spend an hour thinking about what they did wrong. What if instead they thought about what they could do differently next time?
Pay attention to the consistent questions you ask yourself and start asking questions that will empower you. Where do you want to spend your time, dwelling on something you really can’t do anything about, or on a solution to change?
Instead of asking:
• Why me? Ask what can I learn from this?
• What is wrong with me? Ask what can I do to change this behavior?
• Why did they do that to me? Ask what do I need to do to attract the
right people into my life?
• Why am I so sad? Ask what can I do to lift my spirits?
• Why can’t I do this? Ask how can I do this?
The wrong questions keep you focused on your shortcomings, so ask the right questions, focus on your strengths, and move into action and power.