by Mark S. Stegman, Financial Advisor, Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc.
Mark.s.stegman@ampf.com

Before you walk down the aisle

They say love is blind, which may help to explain why so many couples enter into marriage without regard to their financial compatibility. Sadly, money and financial stress are leading causes of marital problems and divorce. So while many brides and grooms would rather spend time selecting the right reception hall or perfecting their guest list, financial fidelity should take precedence over wedding planning. To improve your chances of a happy, healthy and stable marriage, your first order of business should be to reveal the whole truth about your finances to one another. Here are some steps you can take to nurture monetary policies that are as compatible as your hearts.

Reveal your debt. It’s only fair to let your future spouse know your entire financial history.  This includes whether you are carrying debt from credit cards, student loans or car loans or have financial obligations to family or friends. Exchange information about income and expenses to get an idea of how well your combined household will manage from a financial perspective.

Share attitudes, aspirations and expectations.  It’s not unusual for couples to have vastly different ideas about how best to earn, spend or save money, and it’s important to realize a wedding ring won’t magically resolve your differences.  Talk openly about your thoughts and feelings about money. How important is it to you? What kinds of financial habits do you have? Scrutinize spending behavior and look for potential conflicts in how you handle money. Ask the tough questions, including what each of you expects from the other in the money department. Talk about your career goals, including potential for future income growth and whether one of you plans to take time off from a career to help raise a family. Decide whether you will you share everything or maintain separate savings and checking accounts. Ongoing communication and compromise are key.

Develop a plan. Call on an expert for this one. Enlist a financial advisor to help you evaluate your financial future together. This person can make recommendations based on your goals and dreams in the context of your current financial reality. In addition to offering strategies to help you save more and in the right places, an advisor can recommend strategies to help protect your future, such as obtaining appropriate levels of life and disability insurance and creating a will.

Do it together. For richer or for poorer, your future spouse will be your financial partner in life. Maintaining open communication and candor about your finances—even through tough times—will help strengthen your trust in one another and improve your ability to realize the dreams you both share.

Our Daily Bread Community Soup Kitchen

Our Daily Bread serves a noon meal Monday through Friday to the homeless and those in need. No questions, paperwork or sign-in. Just a desire to provide a daily meal in a safe environment for all who are hungry, as well as physical and emotional support for the needy people of Denton County. Our Daily bread located in the kitchen and fellowship hall of St. Andrew Presbyterian Church at 300 W. Oak Street in downtown Denton. A professional chef, assisted by volunteers from more than 26 local churches and other community organizations, prepares and serves an average of 175 meals a day, Monday-Friday (12:00 noon until 1:15 pm daily, except Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and New Year’s Day). Also, snack packs are being offered to patrons for the weekend, when Our Daily Bread is not open.

The program is dependent on the gifts of time, talent and treasures generously given by a large community of volunteers and donors. Individuals, church partners, local business and community groups support the program through volunteer hours, money, grants, goods and prayer.  These folks participate in a wide variety of activities in support of Our Daily Bread, including meal preparation, serving and clean-up, produce and commodity pick-up, agency coordination, special holiday distributions, and fund-raising.  Our Daily Bread receives no local or national funding.

Clients also have other programs available to meet their needs. A volunteer Program Director works closely with clients, referring them to appropriate agencies such as HOPE Inc., Interfaith Ministries, Family Resource Center and area Clinics.  Bus tokens and gasoline vouchers are made available for necessary transportation needs.  Hygiene products are distributed as needed and a nurse is available once a week for blood pressure checks.

The food is good, nourishing and filling.  The hearts of those who serve and those who are served at Our Daily Bread are filled too, with gratitude. There are many types of volunteer opportunities, as well as supplies and food items that Our Daily Bread always needs. Or, just come and visit.  Homelessness is isolating, and you can help by starting a game of chess or checkers, or discuss the latest book you read. Come be a part of something that makes a difference in Denton County.

For more information, contact Helen at 940 262 0871
or Billie at 940 271 4712, www.ourdailybreaddenton.org

by Jim Mann, Ph.D., Pastor
New Life Church of Denton, www.newlifedenton.org

Summer is in full swing and, if your home is anything like ours, you’re busier than ever.  The end of the school year didn’t quite slow the pace of life like you hoped.  Now, with the kids at home, there are more places to go and things to do.

But summertime can be a great time to re-acquaint yourself with you kids – between trips to the library and pool, summer camps and sleepovers.  Truth is, our children grow up so quickly that we’ll one day look back and wish we’d made more of those lazy summer days with our kids.  As my last child leaves elementary school and my oldest enters high school, these are things my wife and I have been pondering of late.

Fortunately, we’ve developed a strong family identity in our home.  I think that a family identity is a vital part of developing a child’s self identity.  Knowing the family’s character and shared beliefs, values, and even traditions gives kids a great platform from which they can discover their place in this world.  Studies show that kids who identify with their family’s values tend to get in less trouble, tend to be less promiscuous, and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.

But how to build a strong family identity?  Moses tells us when he says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, NIV).”

Your presence matters.  Moses assumes that parents will “impress” values on children because they are spending time together.  Kids see your presence as a sign of care and connectedness.  Studies show that kids in families who eat dinner together perform better in school and exhibit less negative behavior.  But when life gets too busy, we’ll often dredge up the age-old excuse that, though we don’t have quantity time together, we make it quality time.  Maybe your kids are smarter than mine, but my children don’t seem to recognize the difference.

Talk about faith.  Some of us are challenged by the idea of talking about spiritual things.  But God cares about your family and discussing Him can help build a family identity.  It will also help your children develop the strong convictions they will need as they grow.  Pray together.  Go to church together.  Read the Bible together.  Even exposing your children to God’s truth in small amounts will set them down the right path for the future.

Kids need reminders.  Moses’ description of Scriptures tied to wrists and written on doorposts is simply describing reminders…reminders why we do this, reminders why we don’t do that.  Hopefully, we don’t just give rules but also some of the reasons behind the actions we desire so they can one day make their own wise choices.

Jesus said: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock (Matthew 7:24-25, NIV).”

This summer, take the time to help build that strong foundation your kids will need for the storms in life.

by Mark Sandel, msandel@twu.edu

This One’s for You, Bud

For a boy raised in a teetotaling home, the image of Otis, the comical drunk stumbling his way into Andy Griffith’s jail cell was my first exposure to alcohol abuse.

For men born later, that first media impression of alcohol may have come from TV commercials; remember the “Whazzzuppp” guys?  Or the Budweiser frogs? Advertising for every generation conveys the very clear message that drinking booze makes you sexually attractive to svelte young women in bikinis, and if you drink enough, they might just drop out of the sky with parachutes (Note: this rarely happens in real life).

The marketing and social pressure to use alcohol begins early.  I rode the Swinging Spanish Ship ride at Six Flags many years ago with a friend and her children. The crowd on one end began shouting, “TASTES GREAT!” as their end of the boat reached its apex, echoed by the riders on the other end screaming, “LESS FILLING!” as they reached the top.  How would sociologists explain the phenomenon of a hundred children spontaneously shrieking the words to a beer commercial?

The Center for Substance Abuse Research reports that, “Alcohol is the most widely abused psychoactive drug in the United States,” and the rates of alcohol abuse appear to be climbing.  About two thirds of problem drinkers are men, but the effects of alcohol abuse are devastating to both the alcoholic and his family.  Fortunately, help is available.

Alcoholics Anonymous, a fellowship of alcoholics with no dues or fees, publishes a test:

1.    Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but couldn’t?
2.    Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking?
3.    Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another to try and stay sober?
4.    Have you had to have a morning drink in the past year?
5.    Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
6.    Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
7.    Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
8.    Do you ever try to get “extra” drinks at a party?
9.    Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want, but you don’t?
10.    Have you missed work or school because of drinking?
11.    Do you have “blackouts”?
12.    Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you didn’t drink?

According to AA, answering “yes” to four or more of these may indicate a problem.  If you think you may have a problem, please get help.

Resources:  Alcoholics Anonymous, www.aa.org
University Behavioral Health, http://ubhdenton.net

by Mardi Allen, Life Coach, Mardi@CoachMardi.net

Tell a New Story

Are you trapped in the past and telling the same old negative stories over and over again?  Do you find yourself repeating negative events that happened to you years ago?  Do you wish the events would have been different and are you holding on to blame and anger?

If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are not alone. I saw a television show where women in their thirties and forties were still holding on to the fact they were teased in school.  One woman was homeschooling her children solely based on the fact that she was teased in school over 30 years ago.

It is easy to become attached to these negative stories and keep repeating them to anyone who will listen. Words are very powerful and reliving your negative stories may keep you in a victim role, disempowered, and stuck in the past, unable to move forward to a happy, healthy place. Become aware of the negative stories, how often you repeat them, and why you are telling them.  Is it for sympathy or attention?

Stop playing the blame game and take responsibility for your happiness and your life.  Forgive anyone who has ever hurt you and forgive yourself.  Forgiveness is a huge key to inner peace. Holding onto resentment and anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Change your greeting and how you respond to others. Instead of identifying with the suffering start affirming your strengths and always use a positive greeting.  Become empowered and identify with your greatness. Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we deal with it, so choose to tell a new story and get rid of that old tape recorder. Release the past with love and let it go, as it no longer serves you. Heal, move on, and choose to live in the present with peace and happiness.

You can now view Lifestyles of Denton County online!

This issue features Texas Peaches.  Nutritional deficiencies can lead to disease – are your multi-vitamins enough? An article on Cyberbullying informs parents of how to lower the risk to their children. And, “The Heat Is On,” gives advice on protecting your pets in the summer heat.

Check out the special 4th of July events page containing information on area celebrations.

Click here to view the current issue.