Kids, Horses, and Life Lessons

By Debbra Dunning Brouillette

“Putting kids and horses together is a natural,” says Linda Bush, who owns the Diamond B – Rockin’ A Ranch in Pilot Point along with her husband Gary Anderson.

Equine Youth Experiences, Inc. (EYE) is an outreach program formed as a non-profit foundation in 2009 for youth who are developmentally challenged, at risk, in grief recovery, or are in need of building trust and a sense of responsibility.

“The EYE program is patterned after the therapeutic riding services offered at the Spirit Horse Therapeutic Center in Corinth,” Linda explains. “Fran Ferguson, EYE’s second instructor, and I spent two weeks there last year and are now Certified Spirit Horse therapeutic trainers. We recently became a SpiritHorse licensee as a 501(c)3 non-profit organization.”

Equine Youth Experiences offers outreach programs such as Equine Lessons in Responsibility, Partnership, and Teamwork, along with other therapeutic riding related activities. It is part of a seven-step process involving the youth who learn the language of the horse. “They learn to become the horse’s leader,” Linda says, “and to communicate with them as they would in a herd. This teaches them leadership, communication, respect, and trust.” As Linda explains, many of the at-risk youth who go through the EYE program can really benefit from supportive experiences in these areas.

She relates story after story of young men and women who have been transformed by the new skills they have gained in responsible relationships and partnerships by working with the horses, but testimonials like this one sum up how Linda and Gary feel about continuing their mission to help others through EYE:

“It just gave me such a sense of self and so much self esteem. I was so confused, and it gave me so much clarity. To think that I could actually communicate with and control the animal that I had so feared, and have all the power to do what I want, and that I could actually complete something… It’s indescribable to say what all I got from it, and I was only there two weeks. I can only imagine what it could do for a kid who’s involved for a longer period of time. The lessons are free but the payback is priceless.”

In addition to their work with at-risk youth, Linda and Gary’s 150-acre horse and cattle ranch also serves as a retreat for corporate training and executive coaching sessions, where the same lessons are taught in relation to workplace team-building experiences. For more information, contact Linda at 940.686.0200 or lindabush@bushanderson.com.

by Tiffany Reves, MA, LPC, Sharp Focus Centers

Turn on any news program today, and it won’t take long to hear another heartbreaking story about cyberbullying and its tragic consequences.  With unrestrained access to texting, cell phones, and social networking sites, bullying is no longer limited to the playground or the school hallways.   While this alarming trend has increased in parents a fear of the cyber world, it is important to note that research shows that with proper information and execution, this cycle can be minimized. Equipped with information and a few simple tools, parents can prepare themselves for the role that technology plays in their child’s life, helping to curtail the growth of this detrimental epidemic and its harmful impact on their children.

Cyberbullying is defined by the Cyberbullying Research Center as “when someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronic devices.”  In their February 2010 survey of 4000 students, ages 12 -18, the Research Center found that 20% of students report experiencing cyberbullying on a regular basis, with rumors and disparaging comments being the most commonly identified forms.  Even more disturbing, in a study on cyberbullying and suicide, researchers found that cyberbullying victims were twice as likely to attempt suicide as those individuals experiencing other forms of bullying.

Recent news reports describe one horrific story about Alexis Pilkington, 17, a West Islip soccer star, who committed suicide in March 2010 following vicious bullying on a popular social networking site, which continued after her death, adding to the grief her family and friends were experiencing.  Formspring.me, the site where the bullying took place, advertises to be a place where youth can “ask questions, give answers, and learn more about your friends.”  The danger with this site and many others is that these question and answer sessions can be done anonymously which creates a greater outlet for bullying as kids can make any statement without the risk of being identified.  Alexis’ death is a costly example of the role that cyberbullying plays in the lives of our youth.  It also exemplifies how wide open the door is for youth to communicate with complete insensitivity and without consequence.
While this epidemic seems to be spiraling out of control, there are a number of precautions that parents can take.  It is important to educate children on using the Internet and social networking sites.  Kids need a clear understanding that nothing posted on the Internet is truly “private.”  Teens must learn to appreciate and utilize discretion in posting pictures and comments.  It is important to help kids understand that comments made through email, text, or over the internet are not the same as in person communication and may be misunderstood.  Young people also need to understand that compromising pictures taken by friends can end up on the Internet or sent via text message.  These are opportunities for parents to discuss with and teach their children about the balance between desired community and privacy and about good communication skills.

Parents should be willing to discuss dangers with their kids, helping them understand that predators are on the Internet.  Discuss how to stay protected by avoiding strangers and personal discussions and never giving out personal information.  Implement safeguards, such as parental controls and filters and parental monitoring of texts and social networking sites.  Parents should engage in this process not as a time when they have to fight with their kids, but as an opportunity to show their loved ones they are fighting for them.

Education, awareness, and safe practices, both on the part of kids and teens and their parents, can provide peace of mind and safety for the entire family. Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, put it best when he said, “The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand.”  It is important for parents to have their own understanding of the Internet and social technology, so that they can guide their kids in its proper use and place in life.  Parents must recognize that social networking and technology are a vital part of an adolescent’s world and should not be completely disregarded.  A few simple steps and open communication with teens will significantly decrease the risk of the dangers associated with today’s communication.

For more information visit the Cyberbullying Research Center at http://www.cyberbullying.us/index.php

by Jamie Stephenson

Have you ever been left wandering where your teenager came from? As parents we can recall those adorable children we raised, the affectionate, attention craving individuals who wanted to be with us every moment, however once our children hit age thirteen it‘s like a switch is flipped in them and they become like aliens that we don’t understand and cant seem to relate to!

The good news is the teen -parent relationship doesn’t have to resemble a scene from a football game where 2 warring sides are battling for possession of the ball. When you understand that we’re not on separate teams competing against each other but on the same team with the same goal it makes all the difference. The teen- parent relationship can become the most productive and valuable relationship we have if we grasp the rules and play the game fairly!!

Rule 1:  Young people need their parents more than they could ever say or like to admit to

Though your teen pushes every boundary and never seems to listen to a word you say it is during this phase of their lives that teens need the consistency, unconditional love, support and boundaries you as a parent provide for them. The important rule of play here is to grasp that your teen is not looking for you to be their friend but is looking to you to listen to and encourage them to discover and develop their individuality.

Rule 2:  Communication is the key

Communication is probably the biggest hot spot between parents and teenagers. It often seems like we parents are not being heard and that there is no positive communication taking place. The problem for most parents and teens is that we only hear what we want to hear or take what is being communicated at face value! When was the last time you really listened to what your teen was saying?  Not just the words coming out of their mouths but what was behind their words and actions. What’s really making them frustrated or what are they really trying to achieve in the choices they’re making?  We as parents need to search underneath all the emotions and expressive behaviour to discover the real message our children are delivering to us. When your teen approaches you take time to really listen to what they are saying; try not to respond until you know all that they are asking or implying and when responding instead of telling them what you would do offer them options so as to empower them to make independent choices with your help. You will be amazed that using this approach will encourage your teen to become a more team focused player!
Rule 3:  Lead by example

When dealing with our emotion led teens it is essential we reign in our own emotions!  However much our teens push boundaries they learn and shape their reactions and responses in accordance with that they see in us parents. In order for our kids to grow healthy emotions they need to see them modelled by us. With the aim of enabling our teenager to have responsibility over their choices and behaviour we can encourage them to develop healthy emotions by warringnot lecturing them when they make mistakes, praising them when they make informed and positive choices and loving them through the tough times without comment.

Rule 4:  Encourage individuality

Finally…encourage and celebrate creativity and individuality within your teenager. It’s ok for your teen to have an opinion even if it differs from your own. Instead of telling them they’re wrong to think certain ways why not discuss with them the alternatives and help them to shape what they really believe.  The reality is that often teens really don’t believe what they’re saying they’re just trying to make an independent stand and to shock their parents. If they know and understand that their parents are a safe place where they can talk through situations they’ll keep coming back!

Jamie Stephenson is the founder and CEO of Take Off Coaching an organization committed to encouraging and motivating young people to reach their potential and to achieve their goals. Take Off provides life coaching, motivational speaking and leadership resources for teens and parents. www.takeoffcoaching.com

New Year’s resolutions are not for adults only. Help your kids make New Year’s Resolutions and encourage them to follow them all through the year.  Give him/her a couple of ideas, helping your child create New Year’s Resolutions is another means of  teaching your child the importance of setting goals. Goal setting is an important skill your child will take all the way in to adulthood. The follow through is essential to their learning patterns, they need the predictability elements.

Here are some sound resolutions your kids can easily get started on:

•  I will wash my hands after going to the bathroom and before eating.

•  I will make my bed and keep my room organized

•  I will speak with respect to my parents, teachers and adult leaders

These very basic resolutions can be adapted (expanded or reduced) to all age groups. A New Year awaits, enjoy the results of your successes.

by Amy A. Watson, MS, LCCA, LPC, Director of Clinical Services at CPCH,
and Jennifer Livings, MS, LPC-I, Intake and Case Management Counselor at CPCH

Are your kids constantly arguing and trying to be in control? Have you been searching for ways to get along with your kids? One of the keys is to provide consequences with empathy, which makes the consequences the “bad guy” and the parent the “good guy.” Who would not want to be “the good guy” with their kids?

Using genuine empathy with kids helps soak up emotions and puts the problem back on the child. The use of genuine empathy helps to maintain a positive child-parent relationship while allowing a child to learn from his or her mistakes. Good Love and Logic^® parents pick one statement they like and use it over and over again. For example, the parent might say, “I cannot imagine how bad that feels.”

Neutralizing childhood arguing begins by giving the child a big dose of empathy by saying, “I love you too much to argue.” As a parent, you continue to say this one statement and refuse to be pulled into a power struggle with a child who is drunk on control. A parent might also back that up by saying, “I will be happy to talk to you when your voice is as calm as mine.” This is an enforceable statement that encourages thinking rather than fighting.

The consequences that follow are usually natural and logical in nature and may involve a child paying back our time and energy they sucked away by arguing. For example, the child may need to spend time doing one of your chores.

Cumberland Presbyterian Children’s Home (CPCH) believes so strongly in the Love and Logic^® philosophy of behavior management that they train their staff with these techniques and they find they help them maintain positive relationships with the children and families they serve.

Becoming a Love and Logic Parent^® is a research-based parenting program that focuses on preserving a child’s self concept while teaching them to own and solve their own problems.

CPCH teaches Becoming a Love and Logic Parent® monthly to community members as well. Their next classes will be held on Jan. 9, 2010, concentrating on early childhood, and on Feb. 13, 2010, concentrating on children six and older. If you want to learn more about CPCH’s parenting classes or to register, 940-382-5112 x 252.

A childrens clothing boutique that began as a small sample shop and grew to what it is today, Small Fry is celebrating 40 years in business, serving Denton and the surrounding areas. We pride ourselves in having one of the largest inventories at the lowest prices in the metroplex. We strive to provide the discriminating shopper with unique, quality clothing, shoes, and accessories for boys and girls. Also, we carry a fabulous selection of infant gift items.

A loyal following, great customer service and unbeatable prices has been the key to our success. This is what our wonderful customers have to say about Small Fry:

“I have been shopping at Small Fry for over 32 years for my children, now my grandchildren. Their clothes are unique, good quality, and reasonably priced. Your child will receive many compliments!”   S.Wright, Denton

“I shop at Small Fry for their exceptional customer service, great prices, and large unique selection.”   N.Knabe, Flower Mound

We offer free 60-day layaway, special orders, boys preemie-7, and girls preemie-16. Let Nancy, Shelby, and Tammy help you outfit your Small Fry for the holidays!