by Carli Trest

Sparkly bandeaus, kitten heels and sexy styles have many parents concerned. There are plenty of varied opinions on the matter, a few will be as far in one direction on the subject as those completely in the opposite side.

It’s not just at the bargain store that you find the shoes and clothes that are concerning parents. Shoes with half-inch heels, in sizes small enough for toddlers are at top children’s clothing retail shops. Halter tops with lacy fronts and padded cups are becoming a bit too normal in junior departments at major stores. And marketing, from some major retailers are barking the hype that this type of dress is appropriate for younger girls.

Recently a $25 padded bikini top targeting preteens crashed and burned just a few weeks after public outcry sent a top brand store executive group slinking back to the boardroom to revisit their marketing strategy. The padded “push-up” triangle bikini top peddled to girls ages 7 to 14, was first “re-categorized,” according to the company statement and then the top disappeared from the website entirely.

Many parents are upset about a popular shoe commercial advertising for girls. The sneaker, first marketed to adults, is supposed to help tone backsides and thighs. Now, they apparently think little girls could use the shoes, too. The animated commercial, airing on children’s TV networks, features a young seemingly popular girl named Heidi wearing the shoe. Heidi sings “She’s got the height, got the bounce, yeah she’s looking good and having fun because she’s got the shoes.” It is just one more example of how commercialism is playing a big role in influencing their choices.

Now we can also mix in the temptation of the hottest dolls in the toy aisle, dolls with overblown lips, smoky eyes and hot pants, again, young girls are being sent a message that implies “this is how you should look.” Even our beloved long time Barbie has decided to get tattoos!

For all those marketing ploys that have made a big fiery crash with parents and consumers man, many more are silently hitting the shelves and the sales registers. Too often you are having lunch at the local bakery & soup bar and see a young girl scamper by with a trendy t-shirt or sweat pants that are stamped across the chest or derriere with words like “juicy” or “hot to the touch.” Parents responding to questions on the matter answered saying, ‘It’s one thing when an older teen girl goes shopping and comes home with skinny jeans and a pair of high heels but when you see a seven-year-old wearing something similar, there had to be an adult along for the ride when that outfit was purchased.

Public opinion on the topic is pretty clear. Two recent polls on an opinion website, SodaHead.com, show 51 percent of respondents agreeing that “young girls dress too sexy.” Thank goodness it was 51%, shameful that it was only 51%.

“Mom, just park,” my daughter pleaded.
“I can drop you off in front of the theater, Grace, so we can make sure he’s even here,” I replied.
“No, Mom, because I know if you drive up there you’re going to wave your knife at him.”
“Whatever. I don’t even have my knife,” I said, dropping my purple knife I had a death grip on back into the bottom of my purse.
“Please, just park. And don’t do anything crazy.”

I knew this day would come eventually, but I pictured it going much differently. I pictured myself with back up, in the form of a husband. There is a special kind of crazy a dad can project when he comes to the door in nothing but a pair of boxers with a beer in one hand and a gun in the other that sends fear into the core of a young man’s soul. It’s a kind of crazy that a mom with pink mace and a purple knife can’t replicate no matter how hard she tries-and trust me, she tries.

A two-parent family wasn’t in the cards for us, though.  So, now it’s just me against every single teenage boy in Denton County. That’s a lot of teenage boys and what they don’t get is that I have the dad crazy in me. I don’t know if it’s a result of being both the dad and the mom for so many years or if it’s due to having to have her gigantic head forcibly removed from my pelvis when, after two and a half hours of pushing, it became evident it had no intention of passing on its own. But it’s there and I’m not afraid to unleash it on some unsuspecting hormonal teenage boy.

Grace knows this is fact. She’s heard me scream, “LOOK AT THE GROUND!” and “Really, Dude, are you looking at her? Because she’s 13 and you’re old enough to buy beer,” at more than one young man who has taken an interest in her. This may be why she refuses to ever go to the North Texas State Fair and Rodeo with me again. However, rather than warn these young men about what could happen if they touch her, she’d prefer I keep my antics to a minimum and be ‘normal’. That’s sweet, but highly unlikely.

That night, when I returned to pick her up from her date and felt my hand reach towards my police strength pink mace as the young man leaned in to hug her, I realized this would be the first of many nights I’d be waiting for my daughter to come home from an evening with some boy. Eventually, she’ll be leaving in a car with them and I won’t be able to sit in the parking lot making sure he doesn’t get all handsy.

There’s only one way I can prevent it. I’m going to have to ramp up the crazy. Does anyone know where I can buy a pink gun?

School has geared up and the sports and activity opportunities have too.  An amazing twenty million children register each year for football, baseball, soccer, and so many other competitive sports. But in there somewhere we are losing them, the National Alliance for Sports has reported that about 70 percent of children quit playing league sports by age 13.  What’s more, they never play them again.

Why do they quit? According to the executive director of the National Youth Sports Coaches Association, “The number one reason is that it stopped being fun.” With figures like these, it sounds like it is time we rethink how we present youth sports to children.

Some key points to remember about your children playing sports may help reverse the trends and keep them loving the “game.”

For Preschoolers
Try focusing more on the element of play in their sports activity. Make it fun! Try not to focus or burden them with the actual competition concept or keeping score.  Even the rules should not be emphasized. Get them running, kicking, throwing, catching … and laughing.  Give them encouragement for the efforts.

Elementary schoolers
Sports psychology expert Rick Wolff, author of Good Sports, stresses that parents of children ages 5-12 should not be concerned with their child’s excellence at such refined sports skills. “The key here is having your child develop a sense of passion for the sport.”

Parents and coaches need to be aware of what a child can and cannot accomplish.  Whether it is physically, intellectually, emotionally, or socially their developmental capacities have been too often dismissed.   We are in fact giving them a different kind of sports injury with these types of mishaps.  Their muscle coordination, dedication, or attention span is an area we tend to critique pretty hard.  Many kids lose their passion for youth sports during these years because they feel they can’t live up to the parents’ and/or coaches’ expectations.

Middle schoolers
This is the time when kids start dropping out in big numbers. Playing sports as a whole loses its enjoyment and thrill for them and “fun” takes a back seat to winning the game. The key at this point is to keep them playing the sports they enjoy. So many middle school kids have reported that not being on a team is seen at school that they have failed as athletes. We need to make sure they know it just means that they have to find other pleasurable ways to continue enjoying their sports.

High schoolers
At this age, it’s usually the successful high school athlete who plays both school sports and competitive league sports. So many kids are looking for the scholarship prize at this point. But we need to encourage the kids who love to play sports but can’t because of demanding academics, social activities, and other life issues.  Remind them that it does not have to be an organized sport. Helping your kids simply stay connected to the sports they love now can encourage them to remain physically active throughout their lives.

Keeping it fun is what will keep them in the “game” and keeping them active in sports is so valuable in a multitude of elements of their lives.

Whenever my kids have a party at school, I am the mom that always signs up to bring the juice boxes. It’s not because I’m lazy or that I don’t care if my kids have a good party. I am just not wired in such a way that I can fashion sandwiches, made on my very own homemade, organic, gluten-free, sugar-free bread into holiday-themed shapes. Nor can I make centerpieces that are totally precious using nothing but dental floss and a milk carton. And, I’m perfectly fine with that, even though it’s taken me a long time to get here.

Alpha Moms, with their ability to make gourmet meals from scratch, keep a spotless house and scrapbook every minute of their child’s lives on pages that look like artwork, used to intimidate me. I felt like, since I stayed home with my kids, I should be able to do those things, too. So, when the turkey shaped cookies I painstakingly decorated turned out looking like little round pieces of poop or company stopped by and there were toys strewn from one of the house to the other because, instead of picking-up, I’d been busy cutting my child out of the dental floss he somehow managed to wrap around his entire body while I took a shower, I ended up feeling like a failure as a mom. I felt like I was letting my kids down because I couldn’t do the things their friends’ mothers did without messing everything up and freaking out.

After many failed attempts at baking and crafting, and many afternoons spent crying over my inabilities as a mother, I finally, rather begrudgingly, resigned myself to the fact that my lot in life is to be the Juice Box Mom. I worked hard to be the best Juice Box Mom in all the elementary school, and, after one of my daughter’s class parties, it actually paid off. Her teacher stopped me as I was leaving and said, “Thank you so much for always bringing extra drinks. Sometimes parents forget that younger siblings will also be attending class parties and they end up being left out because we don’t have enough drinks for everyone.” I just accepted the compliment, rather than telling her I brought extra drinks because I never could remember how many kids were in the class. But, her compliment taught me an important lesson-just because I’m not crafty or overly domestic, I’m not a failure as a mom.

Not everyone is cut out to be an Alpha Mom and there’s nothing wrong with that. I believe it’s okay to be the Juice Box Mom. I may not bake the cookies and decorate them to look like something straight out of “Martha Stewart Living”, but I do provide something to wash them down with. I think that’s just as important.

It’s More than a Party…It’s a Celebration of Life

The day you’ve dreamed of has finally arrived.  Your baby is graduating high school.  The all consuming moment is met with a mixture of joy, sadness and hope.  Family and friends arrive to partake in the special occasion, the cap and gown hang proudly on the back of the closet door, the camera is fully charged, and of course, secret parties are lined up by eager teenagers longing to delve into a night of unsupervised revelry.  Unfortunately, those celebrations many times include alcohol.  And we all know that teenagers and booze don’t mix.

Several families, very much like your own, shared in a day of memories with their graduating children.  Sadly, though, a disturbing knock came at the door the following morning.  What should have been the beginning of a new life’s journey for five young people came hauntingly to an end.  The authorities believed alcohol played a factor in the tragic car accident.

The heartbreaking story inspired a group of parents to start a program that would offer graduating seniors an evening of fun in a drug-free, alcohol-free, smoke-free environment.  And so, for many high schools, like Ponder High School, a new tradition has ensued – “Project Graduation.”  A party of this magnitude that lasts all night, according to Laura Watson, Co-Chairperson for Ponder’s event, “Requires many volunteers and lots and lots of donations.  We couldn’t pull it off without the support of our parents and the businesses in our community.”

Project Graduation is a costly event and with the economy tampering with the bottom line of many companies, contributions are not what they used to be.  Some high schools have resorted to charging seniors a fee to attend.   Fortunately, Ponder High School continues to offer their event at no cost to students.  All prizes, activities and food are provided by sponsors, parents, past alumni and the community.  With that said, therein lies the greatest challenge for Project Graduation…funding.

I personally signed up for the prize committee since my daughter will be graduating this year.  I’ve managed to enlist the assistance and contributions of various local entities, to which I, my daughter, the Seniors of Ponder High School, and their parents, owe a debt of gratitude.  They include: Albertsons on University, Albertsons on I-35, Al’s Furniture, Applebee’s, Arby’s on Colorado, Autosound & Security, Babe’s Chicken in Roanoke, Bill Utter Ford, Boomer Jack Wings, Brookshire, Buffalo Wild Wings, Criterion Furniture, Accelerated Sales & Marketing, Texas Department of Transportation, IESI, Wal-Mart, Devon Energy, Ponder Bank of the West, and Absolute Smile Dental in Denton, just to name a few, and the list keeps growing.

In addition to just having a good time and leaving with some really cool gifts, Laura Watson says, “The seniors truly enjoy one last night of happy memories with their classmates before they eventually go their separate ways.”  With an average student attendance rate of 98%, this is a project that is definitely worth the young lives it aims to celebrate.  If you would like to donate to your local High School Project Graduation or to Ponder High School’s Project Graduation, please contact the high school administrator.

Congratulations to all the Denton County graduating Seniors of 2011!

“Bully.”  Saying the word just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  I envision the terrorist as someone who stands about 6’2”, weighs 250 pounds, has a unibrow, and growls between each threat.  Actually, bullies come in all shapes, sizes, economic and social backgrounds, and in most cases are girls.  Their actions are not limited to threats, intimidation, or physical assaults, but may also include hazing, taunting, teasing, harassing (sexual or non-sexual), provocation, confinement, demands for money, destruction of property, theft of property, name calling, rumor spreading and ostracism.  If your child has experienced, or is currently experiencing any of the above situations, he or she may be a victim of bullying.  Although the signs vary among children, here are a few examples that might alert a parent that their child is being bullied:

•    Afraid to walk to and from school or change their usual walking route
•    They don’t want to ride the bus or they beg you to take them to school
•    They are afraid to go to school
•    They pretend illness in the mornings or they begin truanting
•    They start doing poorly in their school work
•    They often bring home destroyed clothing or other belongings
•    They come home famished (bully takes their food money or lunch)
•    They act withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence
•    They become distressed and anxious and sometimes stop eating
•    They attempt or threaten suicide
•    They cry themselves to sleep or have nightmares
•    Their personal belongings go missing
•    They ask for money or start stealing (in order to pay the bully) or they
continually lose their pocket money
•    They refuse to talk about what’s wrong
•    They have unexplained cuts, abrasions, bruises
•    They begin to bully other children, siblings or they become aggressive
and unreasonable
•    They give improbable excuses for any of the behaviors listed above

If you suspect your child is being bullied, you can take action.  Below is a summarized list of suggestions provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.  Please visit their website for a more detailed description: http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.
•    Step One: Your child comes first so be supportive and gather information
about the bullying.
•    Step Two: Contact your child’s teacher or principal.  Parents are sometimes
reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying may not stop
without the help of adults.
•    Step Three: Help your child become more resilient to bullying.  Find healthy
outlets to boost their self-esteem (i.e. athletics, art, music, etc.).  Find friends
outside the school arena (church, clubs, select sports, hobbies and interest
groups).

In a recent rash of suicides last year by students who were bullied, President Obama called for a greater awareness of the problem, stating that the nation must “dispel the myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage or an inevitable part of growing up.”  In addition, the White House said it will host a conference in 2011 aimed at educating, training, and encouraging people to recognize the signs of bullying and guidance on how to handle a bullying situation.  This, after the first National Bullying Summit was hosted by the Obama administration as part of their official launch of a national campaign against bullying.  More on this article and the interviews and comments made can be found at this website: http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/10/26/schools.bullying.discrimination/index.html.

The problem has always existed, but because of the recent tragedies, the ugly issue stands at the forefront of our minds and the media.  Bully Police USA, a watchdog organization that keeps tabs on our state and nation’s anti-bullying laws, provides guidance and support to victims of bullying, including legal avenues.  You can review their website for more information, as well as our state’s current anti-bullying ranking at www.bullypolice.org.

To date, there are four Texas house bills and three senate bills on the table.  For more on the proposed legislation go to http://www.house.state.tx.us/research/, click on “bill number” and enter either HB 224, HB 170, HB 130, HB 24, SB 205, SB 245 or SB 242 to review the language, the author, and the current status.   You can also contact your local State and/or U.S. Representative for more on our governments’ position and efforts to stop bullying.

If we would all instill in our children to live by the golden rule, “Do unto others….,” we would probably see a lot less of these crimes and their tragic endings.  Take a stand against Bullying.  I am.

Special thanks to State Rep Tan Parker’s office and U.S. Congressman Michael Burgess’s team for their feedback and direction.