by Jamie Stephenson

Have you ever been left wandering where your teenager came from? As parents we can recall those adorable children we raised, the affectionate, attention craving individuals who wanted to be with us every moment, however once our children hit age thirteen it‘s like a switch is flipped in them and they become like aliens that we don’t understand and cant seem to relate to!

The good news is the teen -parent relationship doesn’t have to resemble a scene from a football game where 2 warring sides are battling for possession of the ball. When you understand that we’re not on separate teams competing against each other but on the same team with the same goal it makes all the difference. The teen- parent relationship can become the most productive and valuable relationship we have if we grasp the rules and play the game fairly!!

Rule 1:  Young people need their parents more than they could ever say or like to admit to

Though your teen pushes every boundary and never seems to listen to a word you say it is during this phase of their lives that teens need the consistency, unconditional love, support and boundaries you as a parent provide for them. The important rule of play here is to grasp that your teen is not looking for you to be their friend but is looking to you to listen to and encourage them to discover and develop their individuality.

Rule 2:  Communication is the key

Communication is probably the biggest hot spot between parents and teenagers. It often seems like we parents are not being heard and that there is no positive communication taking place. The problem for most parents and teens is that we only hear what we want to hear or take what is being communicated at face value! When was the last time you really listened to what your teen was saying?  Not just the words coming out of their mouths but what was behind their words and actions. What’s really making them frustrated or what are they really trying to achieve in the choices they’re making?  We as parents need to search underneath all the emotions and expressive behaviour to discover the real message our children are delivering to us. When your teen approaches you take time to really listen to what they are saying; try not to respond until you know all that they are asking or implying and when responding instead of telling them what you would do offer them options so as to empower them to make independent choices with your help. You will be amazed that using this approach will encourage your teen to become a more team focused player!
Rule 3:  Lead by example

When dealing with our emotion led teens it is essential we reign in our own emotions!  However much our teens push boundaries they learn and shape their reactions and responses in accordance with that they see in us parents. In order for our kids to grow healthy emotions they need to see them modelled by us. With the aim of enabling our teenager to have responsibility over their choices and behaviour we can encourage them to develop healthy emotions by warringnot lecturing them when they make mistakes, praising them when they make informed and positive choices and loving them through the tough times without comment.

Rule 4:  Encourage individuality

Finally…encourage and celebrate creativity and individuality within your teenager. It’s ok for your teen to have an opinion even if it differs from your own. Instead of telling them they’re wrong to think certain ways why not discuss with them the alternatives and help them to shape what they really believe.  The reality is that often teens really don’t believe what they’re saying they’re just trying to make an independent stand and to shock their parents. If they know and understand that their parents are a safe place where they can talk through situations they’ll keep coming back!

Jamie Stephenson is the founder and CEO of Take Off Coaching an organization committed to encouraging and motivating young people to reach their potential and to achieve their goals. Take Off provides life coaching, motivational speaking and leadership resources for teens and parents. www.takeoffcoaching.com

New Year’s resolutions are not for adults only. Help your kids make New Year’s Resolutions and encourage them to follow them all through the year.  Give him/her a couple of ideas, helping your child create New Year’s Resolutions is another means of  teaching your child the importance of setting goals. Goal setting is an important skill your child will take all the way in to adulthood. The follow through is essential to their learning patterns, they need the predictability elements.

Here are some sound resolutions your kids can easily get started on:

•  I will wash my hands after going to the bathroom and before eating.

•  I will make my bed and keep my room organized

•  I will speak with respect to my parents, teachers and adult leaders

These very basic resolutions can be adapted (expanded or reduced) to all age groups. A New Year awaits, enjoy the results of your successes.

by Amy A. Watson, MS, LCCA, LPC, Director of Clinical Services at CPCH,
and Jennifer Livings, MS, LPC-I, Intake and Case Management Counselor at CPCH

Are your kids constantly arguing and trying to be in control? Have you been searching for ways to get along with your kids? One of the keys is to provide consequences with empathy, which makes the consequences the “bad guy” and the parent the “good guy.” Who would not want to be “the good guy” with their kids?

Using genuine empathy with kids helps soak up emotions and puts the problem back on the child. The use of genuine empathy helps to maintain a positive child-parent relationship while allowing a child to learn from his or her mistakes. Good Love and Logic^® parents pick one statement they like and use it over and over again. For example, the parent might say, “I cannot imagine how bad that feels.”

Neutralizing childhood arguing begins by giving the child a big dose of empathy by saying, “I love you too much to argue.” As a parent, you continue to say this one statement and refuse to be pulled into a power struggle with a child who is drunk on control. A parent might also back that up by saying, “I will be happy to talk to you when your voice is as calm as mine.” This is an enforceable statement that encourages thinking rather than fighting.

The consequences that follow are usually natural and logical in nature and may involve a child paying back our time and energy they sucked away by arguing. For example, the child may need to spend time doing one of your chores.

Cumberland Presbyterian Children’s Home (CPCH) believes so strongly in the Love and Logic^® philosophy of behavior management that they train their staff with these techniques and they find they help them maintain positive relationships with the children and families they serve.

Becoming a Love and Logic Parent^® is a research-based parenting program that focuses on preserving a child’s self concept while teaching them to own and solve their own problems.

CPCH teaches Becoming a Love and Logic Parent® monthly to community members as well. Their next classes will be held on Jan. 9, 2010, concentrating on early childhood, and on Feb. 13, 2010, concentrating on children six and older. If you want to learn more about CPCH’s parenting classes or to register, 940-382-5112 x 252.

A childrens clothing boutique that began as a small sample shop and grew to what it is today, Small Fry is celebrating 40 years in business, serving Denton and the surrounding areas. We pride ourselves in having one of the largest inventories at the lowest prices in the metroplex. We strive to provide the discriminating shopper with unique, quality clothing, shoes, and accessories for boys and girls. Also, we carry a fabulous selection of infant gift items.

A loyal following, great customer service and unbeatable prices has been the key to our success. This is what our wonderful customers have to say about Small Fry:

“I have been shopping at Small Fry for over 32 years for my children, now my grandchildren. Their clothes are unique, good quality, and reasonably priced. Your child will receive many compliments!”   S.Wright, Denton

“I shop at Small Fry for their exceptional customer service, great prices, and large unique selection.”   N.Knabe, Flower Mound

We offer free 60-day layaway, special orders, boys preemie-7, and girls preemie-16. Let Nancy, Shelby, and Tammy help you outfit your Small Fry for the holidays!

Bouncing, giggling, rolling and swinging upside down – it’s all in a day’s fun for students at The Little Gym of Denton.  The gym, which has received a significant positive response from local residents, helps children between the ages of 4 months and 12 years lay the foundation for a lifetime of success.

Headquartered in Scottsdale, AZ, The Little Gym is considered the premier developer of motor skills in children worldwide.  The company uses curriculum-based gymnastics, movement and other programs to promote coordination, balance, rhythm and flexibility.  In addition, The Little Gym’s programs have a proven track record of enhancing children’s listening, social and intellectual skills.

“Our philosophy is to introduce kids to the world of fitness in a caring and non-competitive way,” said Jill Alverson, owner of the gym.  “Our students progress at their own pace, and rather than be the best, they are encouraged to try their best.”

Jill and Chris Alverson purchased The Little Gym of Denton in February of 2008.  Although the gym has been open since 2001, the new owners have renovated the facility, updated all of the equipment, and increased instructor training requirements.

“Programs at The Little Gym make skill building fun for students and parents alike.  Individualized attention builds the students’ confidence that lays the foundation for success in other areas of their life,” said Jill Alverson.

The Little Gym of Denton offers a variety of classes.  One such course enables parents to join their children in the exploration of basic motor and social-skill development, while another teaches students basic tumbling and apparatus techniques using positive motivation as a learning tool.

The Little Gym of Denton is enrolling now for Fall and Winter/Spring Semesters.  Great gift idea for Christmas!  Grandparents, buy your grandchild the gift of motor skill development, confidence and self esteem that will last their life time!  Gift certificates are available for purchase in any denomination.  For more information, please call 940-243-5437 or

Lisa M. Elliott, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist and Clinic Manager
Cook Children’s Medical Center

Development and use of gross motor skills in children and adolescents is good for their overall well-being and health. However most people do not realize these skills also play an important role in a child’s academic success, their brain development, self-esteem, ability to participate in group events and in social skills. Gross motor skills involve the bigger muscle groups like arms, legs, feet and torso whereas fine motor skills involve smaller muscles such as hands, fingers and toes. All motor skills, both gross and fine motor require a connection between the brain and the muscles in your body. Generally gross motor skills develop sequentially and they need to be mastered before fine motor skills are mastered. Unfortunately, once a child has mastered locomotion (i.e., walking) and other general gross motor milestones it is all too common that the emphasis shifts to the development of fine motor skills. Both gross and fine motor skills are important and should be optimally developed. The development and enhancement of gross motor skills plays a significant role in a child’s academic success, positive self-esteem and confidence.

Good gross motor development has been found to be beneficial for academic success. Research has shown good eye-hand and eye-foot coordination skills can enhance the vision aspect of reading skills (Dequiros, 1979). Proper upper body support is critical for handwriting.

Gross motor activities also help increase the flow of glucose which is the brain’s chief source of energy. This activity helps develop normal connections during their critical years of child and adolescent development (Gabbard, 1993).

Both children and adolescents continue to develop increasing coordination and motor ability with proper instruction and guidance. This allows a child to gain greater physical strength and endurance. In addition, continued gross motor instruction and development will help foster better distance judgment, motor planning and hand-eye coordination which are beneficial for play and sports participation. All of this promotes greater self-confidence, and a willingness to attempt new challenges. Social inclusion is another positive attribute to good gross motor coordination. A child who is more confident engaging in activities and who has the gross motor skills to do so is frequently invited to participate in many fun group activities.

Awareness and development of good gross motor skills begins during infancy and the toddler years, however it should continue to be a focus throughout childhood and adolescence. Overall good gross motor coordination helps contribute to a child’s positive self-esteem, a desire to be active and healthy, academic success and overall confidence.