You know, how easy is driving? There are red stop signs, green go lights, yellow caution. You wouldn’t knowingly run a stop sign. Well, you might, but if Denton’s finest is near by, they will quickly let you know your fault. As we navigate on the road to finding a partner, wouldn’t it be helpful to have the same identification to make the journey a little easier…and safer?

Here are some signs I have encountered along the way that might help fellow singletons:

Someone who can laugh at themselves and at the situation. Some great person said, “You can tell alot about a person by the way they handle a rainy day when they have no umbrella, waiting for luggage at the airport, and how they treat a waiter/waitress.” Good law to live by. Steer clear from those who completely fall apart in difficult situations like debris from a tree after a bad storm. It may be a nuisance in the road, but if you swerve around it, less damage to your vehicle.

Someone who accepts you for just the way you are. Let’s say you want to snack on Twinkies while singing along to Nickelback’s “Rockstar” …rather loudly… and drive at a slow and cautious rate of speed. Think about it this way, if your passenger finds this a nuisance, then she will not be a good road trip companion, and needs to be let out at the next convenient rest area, or truck stop, whichever comes first.

Someone who can admit when they are wrong. “I’m sorry, I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” Those are beautiful words that can heal even the worst blow-out in a relationship. If you notice, nowhere does this phrase contain the word ‘but’ or an explanation. Also, someone who can admit when they are lost in a situation. Just pull over and ask for help. This does not mean you are less of a driver. Come on now…really.

Someone who shares your core values. So you want to drive to the coast, rent a cabin on the beach and just be a hippie for a week, but he wants to fly to Hollywood with the hopes of being discovered as the latest great unknown actor. Yeah, this is a no-brainer. Bon Voyage!

A friend of mine recently listened to a conference call on dating techniques after the age of forty. First off, can I just address that applying a “certain age” on dating is just not a cool idea? We have expirations on dairy products, and personally, I do not see singles over forty as sour milk. If nothing else, this should be the prime dating season of your life. This is the age where you have been there, heard that, and hopefully learned from it. In reality, dating after forty is a lot easier. There’s no decorating the scenery – you are ready for the bare essentials. But, for those of you who are just getting their feet wet in the dating pool, let’s go over some of the rules.

1. The Three Strike Rule. You really need three dates in order to tell if this person is someone of interest. Suspend any judgement until the third date. There are exceptions to this rule. Comb-overs, psychopaths, those living at home with mom, anyone with an extensive Star Trek collection, or a fetish for Hello Kitty.

2. Adventure, Exploration and Fun. Move out of your comfort zone, be open minded, and believe in possibility. Great explorers of the past did not discover new territories without first putting aside their fears and venturing out. That’s a stretch to compare to dating, but think of this as land yet known. You might just stumble upon paradise.

3. Three Things to Know After the First Date. What color are their eyes? What do they do for a living? Where did they grow up? If you cannot answer at least three questions about this person, then you stink as a first date because you were not listening, or did not ask enough questions to find out more about them. Don’t fret, you can change.

4. No Ex-Talk. This is an initial meeting, and like a job prospect, you wouldn’t bring your baggage to an interview. Keep it light and simple. I would also suggest not discussing the other “first” dates you have had. It’s all right to be a serial dater, but no one wants to know you are making your way through the phone book.

So, if you are over a “certain” age, no need to look at dating as a challenge, but as another chapter in learning. This time though, you just need the cliff notes.

Yes, it’s February, but I am not even going to discuss the holiday that is so prevalent in this month. Singletons do not like being reminded of the commercialized sensation brought on by a magically flying newborn carrying a bow and arrow. Instead, I am going to focus on the other important holidays taking place.

First, we have Groundhog Day. Now, I may be stretching it, but I’m sure there is a reason to gather for cocktails on this day, you just have to search deep. We have an adorable groundhog named Phil, who is forced out of his warm and cozy burrow, in order to entertain the folks of Punxsutawney, some of whom are dressed in silly top hats and call themselves the “Inner Circle.” This sounds like a lynching. And, what better way to celebrate than to share cocktails with your friends, and discuss the social injustice brought upon a harmless groundhog in the middle of frigid winter, in order to tell the rest of America what even our local weathermen can’t determine. I say drink up and start a revolution.

Next, we have Mardi Gras. Ah, now here’s a reason to celebrate being single. The parties, the parades, the beads and doubloons, the wine, the beer, the topless…well, you get the point. There is no bigger party then the one celebrated on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. If you have not been, you will need to take the Single Gal’s word for it, or book a flight as quick as possible.

And lastly, President’s Day. Umm…yeah.

So, that re-caps the month of February and all the other fun holidays that can be celebrated by a singleton without focusing on the one day of the year that brings forth self deprivation and mockery of our mere existence. After these suggestions, if you are still in need of a party atmosphere, then hang out at Walgreen’s around 6pm on February 14th, and watch all the losers, who waited to the last minute, fight over the last box of “I Love You” written in solid milk chocolate. Like Valentine’s Day just snuck up on them. Now, that’s fun!

Resolutions. What is New Year’s Day without a good old fashioned round of resolutions that everyone will forget as soon as the champagne bottle is empty? With all the hoopla surrounding resolutions, I consulted Mr. Webster to find real meaning. “The act or process of reducing to simpler form.” Well there is nothing in there that says I need to lose fifteen pounds before swimsuit season, nor does it say I should put out the last cigarette before midnight. But those are common promises made, typically while the party is still going and not when you wake January 2 with a resolution hang-over.

With new year promises having the life span of a hamster, it makes you wonder what we’re busy doing the other eleven months of the year. Meaning, why should so much emphasis be placed on the beginning of a new year, instead of practicing smart choices throughout the rest of the time. The pressure just gives too much power to ‘will,’ instead of willpower.

Now, I’m not saying to forego making positive changes in your life in order to enhance you lifestyle (insert shameless magazine plug). Just go easy on yourself if your resolutions are broken before Super Bowl Sunday. Baby steps, kids. Try starting with small changes that might actually last. Perhaps you could resolve to open your mail on a daily basis, instead of waiting for the electricity to be cut off, and then scurrying to find that last bill that you used as a coaster for your New Year’s Eve party. Maybe resolve to take your lunch to work three days a week instead of, well, never. Try making it to the gym on a more regular basis instead of paying for a membership to a club that you may not remember where it’s located, let alone if it’s still in business.

See, things don’t have to be so large and dramatic in order to make an impact in your life. There’s no “resolution god” that will come down and strike vengeance on those of us who tend to fall back into old habits. It all revolves around the point of reducing, as Mr. Webster taught us.

I resolve this year to save more money, speak more kindly about people who desperately need to be on “What Not To Wear,” and to exercise more often, not just when I see my sneakers while moving last weeks laundry. But…who am I kidding? The best resolution I will probably keep this year, is my monitor set at 1024 x 768. And that works just fine, for now.

The holiday season is here. For some singletons, it could make you drop kick a small reindeer. But even if you don’t have a special someone to kiss under the mistletoe, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a jolly good time.

There is nothing more depressing then drinking loaded egg nog alone by the tree, while listening to yet another commercially failed artist singing “Please Come Home for Christmas.” If you are like me, that’s enough to make you slit your wrist with last year’s candy cane.

My prescription for decking the halls this year is simple…get out and do something! There are many charities needing help this season, and what a wonderful way to bring joy in your heart then to assist someone in need. One of my favorites, that people often forget over the holidays, is volunteering at a nursing home. Christmas is not just for the young, but for the young at heart as well.

For celebrating at home, apply the meet-and-greet theory. Invite single friends and family over for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, and ask that they bring a single friend. It could be someone they dated once, where no connection was made, or someone they would never dream of dating. Either way, it is a trash to treasure story in the making.

There are many things to celebrate about being single at Christmastime. First off, no in-laws! How great is that. No mother-in-law to impress with your botched cooking skills, and no father-in-law to coyishly remark about your income level. Less presents to buy! That means more retail therapy for yourself as the stores draw you in with half-off sweaters. No one expects much from you! You’re the single person, unlike your over achieving brother and his perfectly styled wife with their two cookie cutter kids, sending Christmas card photos that could be straight from an LL Bean catalog shoot. Now, they are the ones with performance pressure. You, my friend, just gets to sit back and watch as the holidays unravel when someone forgets the gravy boat that Aunt Mildred gave as a wedding present.

And for you darling “couples” that invite us to your holiday gatherings, convinced we have no social life at all, and will make great entertainment for you…we are not trained seals, we do not bark on command, and no, we don’t want to meet your cousin Steve that just got out of a bad relationship. But then again, we do only have two months before Valentine’s Day. Now, where did I put that candy cane?

Ah, the internet. I can buy a Kate Spade tote on eBay, book a flight to New York, order my dog’s medication from Australia, and shop for a boyfriend. No, your single gal has not lost her mind. As you peruse the many webpages of fantastic shoes and purses, you can also bag a new beau. That’s right kids…welcome to Internet Dating.

No more tedious getting-to-know-you phase. It’s all there for you to read about on his profile page. Don’t feel like getting dressed up on a Friday night? Don’t have to. Just plop down in that terry cloth robe you wouldn’t be caught dead in, throw on your fluffy slippers, and chat away online with potential suitors. Needing to lose a few pounds? Yep, not a problem either. Just date the chick online until the weight drops off, before meeting her in person!

Now, I am not saying that internet dating should replace meeting someone face to face, and punching the time card learning about them, so settle down realists. What I am saying though is to give it a try. Remember that guilty pleasure sensation of entering a Wal-Mart for the first time, and realizing you could buy a shower curtain, turkey bacon, and some flip flops all in the same place? And then, as time passes, you realize that’s not exactly the way you want to shop each week, but it’s occasionally fun and saves time. Internet Dating is the same thing – a place to pick up something quick to bring to your cousin’s wedding on Saturday.

A few things to remember. First off, don’t give out personal information, unless, you know, you like your rabbits in a pot of boiling water. Review “Fatal Attraction” kids. Next, instead of thinking about online dating in a careless way, think about it strategically. Change your mindset so that successful dating becomes a mission and you have goals to meet. That’s right Patton, we’re going to get our feet dirty wading through the muck of deadbeats, players, gold diggers, and the superficial. Lastly, when venturing on a date for the first time, inform a friend or family member of your itinerary. Be safe, not stupid.

“Niche” internet dating is popular now, with literally thousands of match-making websites covering virtually all desires, interests, religions, hobbies, and levels of income. There is even a site called MillionaireMatch.com. Isn’t that a slap in the face? Just put it out there why don’t you, and while you’re at it, point me in the direction of DudeStillLivingWithMom.com. Oh wait… I think my “ex” is the founder of that site.